Belt
it up girls, this season's must-have is a solid metal contraption to
give you a 23-inch waist!!
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As a scion of the Goldsmith clan, one
of the richest families in the country, Jemima Khan must be
unfamiliar with the phrase 'tightening your belt'. Yet earlier
this month, as she arrived at a glamorous party in London, the
33-year-old heiress was having to do just that.
Her £1,345 Dolce & Gabbana metal contraption, which is
held together with rivets, laced up at the back and comes
complete with padlocks and a key on a chain, had come loose.
Luckily, actress Emma Thompson was on hand and promptly locked
Ms Khan back up.
But if you're not a billion-heiress with a tiny frame - could
you ever get away with wearing that belt?
It doesn't appear to be this season's most comfortable
accessory - but since when has high couture been about high
comfort? This contraption is designed to give you a 23in waist,
and as the small waist is big news this season, I decided to
give it a test drive.
Getting the belt out of its box, the first thing that strikes
me is that it's Victoria Beckham-tiny. Mine is supposed to be a
'large', but I wonder how any ordinary woman can be expected to
wear this.
Loosening the leather laces at the back, I discover there's
only enough thread to lace up four of the five holes on my
29-inch waist. Still, the shiny metal front probably means no
one will be looking at my flabby back.
The belt certainly gives me a waist, but I'm not so sure it's
flattering. I've lost six inches, but simply by displacing my
flesh to my hips and chest either side of the belt. If it was
any wider, I'd have fat up to my forehead.
The belt certainly gives me a waist, but I'm not so sure it's
flattering. I've lost six inches, but simply by displacing my
flesh to my hips and chest either side of the belt. If it was
any wider, I'd have fat up to my forehead. |
Tight
squeeze: Kate Faithfull in
Dolce & Gabbana's £1,345 belt
This solid metal belt that
literally locks you into a 23in
waist is autumn's fashion hit.
But could YOU wear it? |
My shoulders also look curiously wide
in proportion to my waist. Apparently, this is a good thing: I
I now have what designers are calling a 'strong, sexy silhouette'.
I just feel like an extra from Dynasty.
For the first time ever, I don't have to think about holding
my stomach in, because it's near impossible to breathe out.
Stepping gingerly out of my front door in South London, a
neighbour waves at me on his way to work.
His eyes are fixed on my corseted waist and he looks
horrified. I smile, pretending everything's normal, but I feel
horribly conspicuous.
I'm walking taller, standing straighter but dreading having
to sit down. The belt digs uncomfortably into my rib-cage if I
don't maintain perfect posture. This isn't the thing to wear for
a quiet night on the sofa.
And walking along the street, I am bombarded by odd looks
from other women. Those who aren't chastising me with their eyes
are staring rigidly ahead and trying not to laugh at my clanking
padlocks.
Wearing such a bold look has some benefits, though: when I
forget to look before crossing the road, a Mercedes slides to a
neat stop instead of hitting me. This look literally stops
traffic.
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| And, let's face it, I would probably have damaged his car,
rather than the other way around. |
What a waist!
Beyonce shows off her famous curves |
Belt-buster: Jemima Khan and Samantha Janus
A cinch: Models Jessica Stam and Naomi Campbell
As I pass a pack of builders, there is not one wolf-whistle; the men
are stunned into silence.
Do ordinary women appreciate high couture any better? As a test, I
meet my friend Sarah for coffee.
"What have you come as today?" she shrieks, with both hands
over her mouth to hold in the giggles. "The Tin Man? C-3PO's
girlfriend, She-3PO?"
Slim-pickings: Jamelia and Tar Palmer-Tomkinson
Metal marvel: model Gisele Budchen and actress
Michelle Yeoh
But something strange is happening. I'm enjoying commanding such
attention from strangers. The stares don't make me want to run home in
shame any more.
Yet, though I've started to love my new shape, the steel belt becomes
so hot in the sunshine you could fry bacon on my stomach. Sadly, a belt
like this wouldn't allow such indulgence.
My stomach rumbles - I couldn't risk breakfast this morning, so I'm
hungry. I flag down a bus - there's no way the driver could pretend to
ignore me like he usually does - and catch a ride home so I can take it
off.
So, the verdict. Well, it's hardly office-appropriate, but a serious
cinch does sexify your silhouette and attract everyone's attention.
I'm not sure I can see this catching on, but where the catwalk leads,
the High Street will follow. If I was going to blow more than £1,000 on
some steel, however, I'd want it to come with a steering wheel and an
engine.
